So while I’ve taken time away from the book world I’ve gotten a whole lot of jack shit done and I needed it! A whole month of it.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done little things for myself like put fresh sheets on my bed, had my haircut, tried to eat mildly healthy and then given up and eaten total rubbish and been okay with that.
But mostly I’ve just watched television and loads of films! So now I’m going to be talking about all of those.
I’ll be doing a recap of each film I watched which may or may not also include me being sidetracked by basically everything so…
│Lady Bird│🎬 Greta Gerwig│🌟 Saoirse Ronan, Laurie Metcalf, Tracy Letts│
Lady Bird: Yeah, well you know, your mom’s tits, they’re fake! Totally fake!
Julie: She made one bad decision at 19!
Lady Bird: Two bad decisions!
☁️ I loved how real it was for the teenage girl experience.
☁️ The scene where they’re talking about masturbating with a shower head while eating the communion bread. Amazing. I wish I wrote it down
☁️ The relationships were real as fuck
☁️ The pacing was perfect because all the big things just happened so quickly and then you see Ladybird short circuit because she’s not given the time to process it all and like that’s still me and I’m 24.
Lady Bird’s Mother: If you’re tired, we can sit down.
Lady Bird: I’m not tired.
Lady Bird’s Mother: Oh, okay. I just couldn’t tell because you were dragging your feet.
[Lady Bird rolls her eyes]
Lady Bird’s Mother: Well, I just couldn’t tell.
Lady Bird: Why didn’t you just say “pick up your feet”?
Lady Bird’s Mother: I didn’t know if you were tired.
Lady Bird: You’re being passive aggressive.
Lady Bird’s Mother: No, I wasn’t.
Lady Bird: You are SO INFURIATING!
Lady Bird’s Mother: Please stop yelling.
Lady Bird: I’m not yelling.
[Marion picks out a pink dress]
Lady Bird: Oh, it’s perfect!
Lady Bird’s Mother: Do you love it?
│Call Me By Your Name│🎬 Luca Guadagnino│🌟 Armie Hammer, Timothée Chalamet, Michael Stuhlbarg │
We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to make yourself feel nothing so as not to feel anything – what a waste!
☁️ I love it and I hate it. Buckle up, I have a lot of thoughts
☁️ I have yet to read the book and now I’ve watched the movie I’m not sure I want to.
☁️ Listen, relationships between adults and teenagers make me uncomfortable. Like, just no.
☁️ I watched it because my co-worker hasn’t stopped talking about the movie or book in weeks… maybe months?
☁️ She told me after I watched it that Oliver is only like 25 in the books which makes it a little better but not great.
☁️ Like I’m 24 and the thought of me having sex with a 17-year-old creeps me the fuck out but sure, my take on all this seems to be the controversial one?????
☁️ Listen, movie Oliver looks as old as the actor playing him, 31 and Elio looks fucking way younger than Timothée Chalamet’s age of 22. There were some scenes where he looked 14 and dear fucking god did it make me uncomfortable.
☁️ I mean, they were cute and it was kinda hot but anytime I thought that I was reminded of the age gap and it made me hate myself.
☁️ I will say there were some great things about it
☁️ Boys are fucking weird though.
☁️ Like teenage girls in love are weird but not put-their-crushes-shorts-on-their-head-and-sniff-the-crouch weird or is that just me??????
☁️ And the flirting???? Okay, it was funny and awkward and I did love it I’m not going to lie. I just wish it was between to guys you were both teenagers or both adults!
☁️ I love that Elio is so intelligent and you can see it in the way he talks and he tries to subtly say this poetic shit and Oliver calls him on it every time to make him actually think about what he’s saying and telling him the truth without all the pretty words.
☁️ The flirting is basically just Elio being an asshole and I can relate.
☁️ AND THAT FUCKING PEACH SCENE NOOOOOO and apparently it’s even worse in the book??? Again, BOYS ARE FUCKING WEIRD
☁️ And like Elio’s parents are just so okay with all of this which is great when you take away the part where it’s a relationship between an adult and a teenager but that’s a pretty big part and can’t just be ignored.
☁️ I just have a lot of feelings about this film and they all contradict each other and I felt dirty
☁️ But also I loved seeing Armie Hammer in something new because I adored him in The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
Oliver: Is there anything you don’t know?
Elio: I know nothing, Oliver.
Oliver: Well, you seem to know more than anyone else around here.
Elio: Well, if you only knew how little I really know about the things that matter.
Oliver: What “things that matter?”
Elio: You know what things.
Oliver: Why are you telling me this?
Elio: Because I thought you should know.
Oliver: Because you thought I should know?
Elio: Because I wanted you to know.
Elio: [to himself] Because I wanted you to know. Because I wanted you to know. Because I wanted you to know.
Elio: [to Oliver] Because there’s no one else I can say this to but you.
│Pitch Perfect│🎬 Trish Sie│🌟 Anna Kendrick, Rebel Wilson, Brittany Snow│
Beca: Are you sure about this?
Fat Amy: Have I ever let you down?
Beca: All the time.
Fat Amy: What?
Beca: You’re very unreliable. It’s like one of the hallmarks of your personality.
Fat Amy: You’re not remembering all the times I’ve been awesome.
☁️ Everything I wanted it to be and more
☁️ My queer ass wants to have sex with Anna Kendrick, Hailee Steinfeld, and Brittany Snow. Not all at once but like I wouldn’t be opposed to it either
☁️ The bad Aussie accent tho yikes
☁️ I just really don’t like John Lithgow I’ve realized. I’m just not sure if I don’t like his vibe or it’s the characters he plays.
│Girls Trip│🎬 Malcolm D. Lee│🌟 Regina Hall, Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith│
Sasha: [watching people zip-lining] That’s some white boy shit right there.
☁️ Brilliant from start to finish
☁️ I love Dina so much god damn it
☁️ It was hilarious and touching and just so fucking good
☁️ I love girls misbehaving so much
☁️ I can’t even put into words how fucking amazing it was honestly
☁️ I laughed non-stop
☁️ The grapefruit scenes???? Both of them. Fucking lost it
☁️ No, but seriously I love Dina so much. That’s the kind of friend you need on a crazy weekend.
Dina: You know, I got some bomb-ass kush if you wanna take a hit.
Lisa: Where did you hide it?
Dina: Where the sun don’t shine.
Lisa: You know what, that can cause a lot of infections.
Dina: Girl, you can’t get no infection in your booty hole! It’s a booty hole!
│Rough Night│🎬 Lucia Aniello│🌟 Scarlett Johansson, Kate McKinnon, Zoë Kravitz │
Pietro: We just opened a bottle of Chateauneuf du Pape, and we’re listening to some remastered Fleetwood Mac.
Blair: Oh, that’s so nice.
Lea: Oh! It is so good, you could hear the cocaine in Stevie’s voice.
☁️ Oh god. This tried so hard to be what Girls Trip was but it just fell on its face
☁️ I didn’t even watch half of it I just zoned out completely in the middle and then barely checked in for the ending
☁️ It just wasn’t funny
☁️ Also another bad Aussie accent ugh
☁️ I just hated it so much and no one is more disappointed than me
│Kingsman: The Secret Service│🎬 Matthew Vaughn│🌟 Colin Firth, Taron Egerton, Samuel L. Jackson│
Harry Hart: Now do your very best impersonation of a German aristocrat’s formal greeting.
[Eggsy gets up, does a finger mustache with his left hand and the Nazi salute with his right]
Harry Hart: No, Eggsy.
☁️ I loved it so fucking much.
☁️ That villain tho
☁️ It’s everything any of the Bond movies I’ve seen just wasn’t for me
☁️ I’m in love with Eggsy and Taron Egerton
☁️ THAT jawline
☁️ I love Roxy and I love her friendship with Eggsy like yes this is how you do a platonic opposite-sex friendship correctly
☁️ I’m not into the princess though, she’s just kind of annoying
☁️ I just loved every minute of it
[Eggsy looks at the gold cigarette lighters on the wall]
Gary ‘Eggsy’ Unwin: And what about these? What do these do? Electrocute you?
Harry Hart: Don’t be ridiculous. It’s a hand grenade.
Gary ‘Eggsy’ Unwin: Shut up.
│Kingsman: The Golden Circle│🎬 Matthew Vaughn│🌟 Taron Egerton, Colin Firth, Mark ⛈Strong│
Tequila: Or you could just tell me who the fuck y’all really are and how the hell you found us.
Merlin: Look, for the last time, we have nothing to protect but our honor. So you can take your cheap horse piss that you call whiskey, which, by the way, is spelled without an ‘e’ and is nothing compared to a single malt scotch and you can go fuck yourself.
Tequila: What about you?
Eggsy: No, I love a Jack and Coke, bruv. But I do agree with the part where you go fuck yourself.
☁️ Seriously, they’re killing it with the villains
☁️ Again loved it all except for all of those we lost R.I.P.
☁️ Channing Tatum as a Texan is everything, I really think his acting is underrated, he has a great range of emotion and can do comedy so fucking well. I may be biased. He was the source of my sexual awakening when I watched She’s The Man, a classic, so many times I had to replace the DVD because it wouldn’t play anymore.
Funnily enough, I’m not into the Magic Mike films.
☁️ I REALLY LOVE MARTIN HE IS PRECIOUS
AND HE DESERVED BETTER
☁️ Still, don’t like the princess maybe I’m just jealous because I want to jump Eggsy but also she’s just such a blah character for me
☁️ Kinda annoyed with the treatment of female characters in these movies now that I think about it but like I love them so much so I guess they’re now my semi-problematic faves?
☁️ Have I actually reached an age where I mildly find Colin Firth attractive or has all the staring at a television fried my brain????
☁️ Also that twist, I did not see it coming until Harry did and then was 100% on board with whatever theory came out of his mouth
☁️ God, I just can’t wait for the third one, I need it NOW, please.
Harry Hart: As one of our founding Kingsman once said: This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.
│Dunkirk│🎬 Christopher Nolan│🌟 Fionn Whitehead, Barry Keoghan, Mark Rylance│
Commander Bolton: The tide’s turning now.
Captain Winnant: How can you tell?
Commander Bolton: The bodies are coming back.
☁️ No seriously. I was so bored.
☁️ I am easily distracted, so basically, 5 minutes in I picked up my phone and briefly checked back into the movie a couple of times throughout
☁️ Usually, when Harry Styles was on screen
look I was a directioner for a brief period of time in my past and who am I kidding I still am, I’m just glad they’re all finally getting to do their own thing now YAY!
☁️ Nothing happened???? Like literally nothing happened
☁️ I was expecting at least lots of death but the only death I noticed was some guy I didn’t care about and that’s it!
☁️ Not even Harry Styles could make me remotely interested in this film
☁️ I’m sure it’s a very important story to tell and I’m sure loads of people who are super into war movies loved it.
☁️ I mean I was a super World War II nerd as a child (I’m talking from the ages 10-12, age appropriate? Probably not, my mum just liked that I read) and I hated it but I’m probably one of the few I suppose
☁️ It was a beautiful film visually but that’s about where my compliments end, I’m sorry
│Molly’s Game│🎬 Aaron Sorkin│🌟 Jessica Chastain, Idris Elba, Kevin Costner│
Player X: You know, I don’t like playing poker.
Molly Bloom: Why do you play?
Player X: I like destroying lives.
☁️ Holy Shit!
☁️ I watched Miss Sloane last year, I dragged my mother to the cinemas because I was not going without having watched it because I just knew I would love it all thanks to some article I read about the roles women are provided in film
☁️ I fell in love instantly with both the movie and Jessica Chastain
☁️ So when I saw she had another movie coming out I was excited
☁️ Yes, I’m aware of the similarities but I don’t even care because Chastain plays this kind of character so fucking well. Like she could play exclusively this same character over and over again for the rest of her career and I would watch every film
☁️ Also from what I’ve seen of her she just seems like a really good person?
☁️ Man I just love her so much
☁️ This film was 10/10 great
│American Assassin│🎬 Michael Cuesta│🌟 Dylan O’Brien, Michael Keaton, Sanaa Lathan │
Stan Hurley: Patriotism exists because people like you and people like me need a higher cause. Something bigger than us.
☁️ Oh god it was so boring
☁️ Maybe it’s just me????
☁️ Mostly I just checked in for the Dylan O’Brien eye candy
who am I kidding that’s the only reason I wanted to watch it in the first place
☁️ Look it wasn’t horrible it just wasn’t really good either.
☁️ Again, I couldn’t tell you a single thing that happened other than the very start.
☁️ I just wanted to watch Dylan O’Brien okay???
│The Hitman’s Bodyguard│🎬 Patrick Hughes│🌟 Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson, Gary Oldman │
Darius Kincaid: You’re going to pardon an innocent woman? That’s mighty fucking white of you.
☁️ I’ve been wanting to watch this since I first saw the trailer
☁️ And when I mentioned to my co-worker that I was planning to watch it soon she told me I needed to do so immediately because it was everything I thought it would be but better.
☁️ She was of course right. Honestly, this woman has rarely been wrong.
☁️ Sonia Kincaid is fucking brilliant
☁️ No, seriously I love her
☁️ It was just so brilliant and fun and hilarious and this is the perfect movie to watch when life is shit and you need a bit of cheering up.
Michael Bryce: My job is to keep you out of harm’s way.
Darius Kincaid: Shit, motherfucker. I am harm’s way.
I also have a Marvel Film post on the way as well. It’ll be the same kind of format where I talk about each film I watched, what I thought, getting distracted by completely irrelevant shit as per usual.
Have you watched any of these films?
What did you think?